Funny Love Quote Images Biography
“I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?”
― Jarod Kintz
tags: ethics, funny, grades, humor, iq, kidnap, kidnapping, money, people, ransom, relationships, school, wealth, work-ethic 1474 likes like
Gena Showalter
“Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?”
― Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
tags: dating, funny 1406 likes like
Lauren Myracle
“You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!”
― Lauren Myracle, ttfn
tags: funny, humor, waffles 1335 likes like
Charles M. Schulz
“This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.”
― Charles M. Schulz
tags: cute, funny, sad, stupid 1281 likes like
Benjamin Franklin
“A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned”
― Benjamin Franklin
tags: funny, inspirational, money 1260 likes like
Richelle Mead
“Hey Mason, wipe the drool off your face. If you're going to think about me naked, do it on your own time." [...]
"This is my time, Hathaway. I'm leading today's session."
"Oh yeah?" I retorted. "Huh. Well, I guess this is a good time to think about me naked, then."
"It's always a good a time to think about you naked," added someone nearby, breaking the tension further.”
― Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
tags: funny 1205 likes like
Richelle Mead
“A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around."
"Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away.”
― Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
tags: christian, funny, rose 1132 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, funny, funny-quotes, gloves, holding-hands, humor, humor-quotes, in-love, life, love, relationships, witty-quotes 1034 likes like
Mae West
“Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.”
― Mae West
tags: funny 979 likes like
William Goldman
“Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride
tags: bride, funny, humor, movie, princess 945 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: dating, dental-insurance, friendship, funny, humor, life, women 938 likes like
Laurell K. Hamilton
“Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Burnt Offerings
tags: anita-blake, bad-ass, funny 914 likes like
Bill Watterson
“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!”
― Bill Watterson
tags: calvin-and-hobbes, comic, education, funny, school 895 likes like
Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.”
― Rodney Dangerfield
tags: funny, humour, neighborhoods 888 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“You know what I like most about people? Pets. ”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
tags: affection, funny, humor, misanthrope, people, pet, pets, relationships 885 likes like
Rick Riordan
“She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse
tags: funny, humor 883 likes like
Pseudonymous Bosch
“Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.”
― Pseudonymous Bosch, The Name of This Book Is Secret
tags: anime, emotions, funny, humor, manga, provoke, troublesome 871 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order?”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: beauty, cashier, confusion, daydreaming, delusional, fantasy, funny, humor, love, thought 848 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.”
― Jarod Kintz
tags: funny, funny-quotes, humor, humor-quotes, sex, sexual-stamina, shoes, witty-quotes 815 likes like
Jennifer L. Armentrout
“Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
tags: daemon, funny, katy, ninja 815 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.”
― Jarod Kintz
tags: funny, hitchhiking, influence, inspirational, positive-influence, smile 812 likes like
Holly Black
“Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.”
― Holly Black, Ironside
tags: corny, funny, ironside 773 likes like
C. JoyBell C.
“I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!”
― C. JoyBell C.
tags: funny, good-and-bad, humor, humour, life, life-and-living, woman, woman-s-character, womanhood, women 761 likes like
Laurie Halse Anderson
“Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.”
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
tags: accurate, drowsiness, funny 736 likes like
Orson Scott Card
“Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
― Orson Scott Card
tags: advent-rising, funny, humour, stupid 724 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: clever, eggs, funny, relationships, witty 680 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want
tags: absurd, beards, children, dada, funny, funny-quotes, humor, humorous-quotations, kids, life, life-surreal, random, strange, witty-quotes 670 likes like
Confucius
“The funniest people are the saddest once”
― Confucius
tags: funny, people, sad 656 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: cheating, cranberries, dating, funny, humor, music, relationships, romance, turkey, women 653 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
― Will Rogers
tags: advice, funny, reticence, silence 1534 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
tags: bat, funny, team, truck 897 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: bizarre, funny, humor, job, manager, sick, strange-logic, work 836 likes like
Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. ”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
tags: absurd, aquatic, bizarre, creatures, fins, fish, fisherman, fishing, food, funny, gills, humor, life, name, ocean, quotes-about-writing, surreal, vocabulary, write, writer-quote, writers, writers-quotes, writing 825 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, doctor, funny, funny-quotes, humor, humor-quotes, love, witty-quotes 777 likes like
Rick Riordan
“I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero
tags: fire, funny, humor, powers, the-lost-hero 731 likes like
Rachel Caine
“Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it.”
― Rachel Caine, The Dead Girls' Dance
tags: funny, morganvillevampires, sweet 711 likes like
Jess C. Scott
“The human body is the best work of art.”
― Jess C. Scott
tags: art, beauty, body, body-image, dancer, desire, fashion, fitness, food-for-thought, funny, girl, hip-hop, honesty, humor, humour, lust, lust-for-life, passion, young, young-adult, young-adults, youth 662 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: forever, funny, home, humor, impatience, impatient, life, love, patience, people, relationships, ride 644 likes like
Jon Stewart
“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
― Jon Stewart
tags: canada, funny 644 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time." What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: funny, life, me-time, time, truth, wisdom 639 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: funny, gold, humor, leprechaun, rainbow 630 likes like
Richelle Mead
“Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?”
― Richelle Mead, The Golden Lily
tags: adrian-ivashkov, bloodlines, funny, richelle-mead, the-golden-lily 608 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?"
"You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't."
"There goes my Saturday.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls
tags: cassandra-clare, city-of-lost-souls, funny, humor, lambada, magnus-bane, mark-of-cain, simon-lewis, the-mortal-instruments 601 likes like
R.A. Salvatore
“Sane is boring.”
― R.A. Salvatore
tags: boring, crazy, forgotten-realms, funny, humor, jarlaxle, salvatore, sane, servant-of-the-shard 594 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: alien, aliens, extra-terrestrial, flies, fly, flying, funny, humor, love, resemble, shoot, ufo, weapon 581 likes like
William Shakespeare
“I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases,
heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is?
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If
you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?
And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.”
― William Shakespeare
tags: antisemitism, funny, revenge 565 likes like
George Carlin
“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
― George Carlin
tags: euphemism, funny, humor, terminology, war 564 likes like
“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.”
― Melanie Griffith
tags: funny, love, romance 556 likes like
James Dashner
“You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner
tags: funny, humor, random, the-maze-runner 546 likes like
Woody Allen
“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”
― Woody Allen
tags: funny, love, sex 539 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: absurd, accessible, blush, blushing, celebrity, delusional, fan, funny, honk, humor, shout, thanks, time, traffic, wave 529 likes like
George Carlin
“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
tags: alcohol, funny, humor, laugh, warning-labels 526 likes like
I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my
“I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: convincing, debate, dialogue, funny, humor, judgement, judgment, logic, master, powerful, talk 524 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: dare, drink, funny, hot, humor, ice, liquid, love, pour, water 521 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want
tags: bizarre, diet, earth, fruit, funny, gravity, humor, illogical, moon-pies, surreal, vegetables, weight-loss 510 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK. ”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: attack, attacked, children, funny, humor, kids, midgets, pack, wrestle, wrestling 493 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: absurd, funny, humor, insensitive, love 492 likes like
D.J. MacHale
“Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.”
― D.J. MacHale
tags: funny 485 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
― Jarod Kintz
tags: ethics, funny, grades, humor, iq, kidnap, kidnapping, money, people, ransom, relationships, school, wealth, work-ethic 1474 likes like
Gena Showalter
“Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?”
― Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
tags: dating, funny 1406 likes like
Lauren Myracle
“You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!”
― Lauren Myracle, ttfn
tags: funny, humor, waffles 1335 likes like
Charles M. Schulz
“This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.”
― Charles M. Schulz
tags: cute, funny, sad, stupid 1281 likes like
Benjamin Franklin
“A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned”
― Benjamin Franklin
tags: funny, inspirational, money 1260 likes like
Richelle Mead
“Hey Mason, wipe the drool off your face. If you're going to think about me naked, do it on your own time." [...]
"This is my time, Hathaway. I'm leading today's session."
"Oh yeah?" I retorted. "Huh. Well, I guess this is a good time to think about me naked, then."
"It's always a good a time to think about you naked," added someone nearby, breaking the tension further.”
― Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
tags: funny 1205 likes like
Richelle Mead
“A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around."
"Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away.”
― Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
tags: christian, funny, rose 1132 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, funny, funny-quotes, gloves, holding-hands, humor, humor-quotes, in-love, life, love, relationships, witty-quotes 1034 likes like
Mae West
“Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.”
― Mae West
tags: funny 979 likes like
William Goldman
“Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride
tags: bride, funny, humor, movie, princess 945 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: dating, dental-insurance, friendship, funny, humor, life, women 938 likes like
Laurell K. Hamilton
“Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Burnt Offerings
tags: anita-blake, bad-ass, funny 914 likes like
Bill Watterson
“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!”
― Bill Watterson
tags: calvin-and-hobbes, comic, education, funny, school 895 likes like
Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.”
― Rodney Dangerfield
tags: funny, humour, neighborhoods 888 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“You know what I like most about people? Pets. ”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
tags: affection, funny, humor, misanthrope, people, pet, pets, relationships 885 likes like
Rick Riordan
“She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse
tags: funny, humor 883 likes like
Pseudonymous Bosch
“Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.”
― Pseudonymous Bosch, The Name of This Book Is Secret
tags: anime, emotions, funny, humor, manga, provoke, troublesome 871 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order?”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: beauty, cashier, confusion, daydreaming, delusional, fantasy, funny, humor, love, thought 848 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.”
― Jarod Kintz
tags: funny, funny-quotes, humor, humor-quotes, sex, sexual-stamina, shoes, witty-quotes 815 likes like
Jennifer L. Armentrout
“Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian
tags: daemon, funny, katy, ninja 815 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.”
― Jarod Kintz
tags: funny, hitchhiking, influence, inspirational, positive-influence, smile 812 likes like
Holly Black
“Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.”
― Holly Black, Ironside
tags: corny, funny, ironside 773 likes like
C. JoyBell C.
“I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!”
― C. JoyBell C.
tags: funny, good-and-bad, humor, humour, life, life-and-living, woman, woman-s-character, womanhood, women 761 likes like
Laurie Halse Anderson
“Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.”
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
tags: accurate, drowsiness, funny 736 likes like
Orson Scott Card
“Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
― Orson Scott Card
tags: advent-rising, funny, humour, stupid 724 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: clever, eggs, funny, relationships, witty 680 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want
tags: absurd, beards, children, dada, funny, funny-quotes, humor, humorous-quotations, kids, life, life-surreal, random, strange, witty-quotes 670 likes like
Confucius
“The funniest people are the saddest once”
― Confucius
tags: funny, people, sad 656 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: cheating, cranberries, dating, funny, humor, music, relationships, romance, turkey, women 653 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
― Will Rogers
tags: advice, funny, reticence, silence 1534 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
tags: bat, funny, team, truck 897 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: bizarre, funny, humor, job, manager, sick, strange-logic, work 836 likes like
Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. ”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
tags: absurd, aquatic, bizarre, creatures, fins, fish, fisherman, fishing, food, funny, gills, humor, life, name, ocean, quotes-about-writing, surreal, vocabulary, write, writer-quote, writers, writers-quotes, writing 825 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, doctor, funny, funny-quotes, humor, humor-quotes, love, witty-quotes 777 likes like
Rick Riordan
“I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero
tags: fire, funny, humor, powers, the-lost-hero 731 likes like
Rachel Caine
“Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it.”
― Rachel Caine, The Dead Girls' Dance
tags: funny, morganvillevampires, sweet 711 likes like
Jess C. Scott
“The human body is the best work of art.”
― Jess C. Scott
tags: art, beauty, body, body-image, dancer, desire, fashion, fitness, food-for-thought, funny, girl, hip-hop, honesty, humor, humour, lust, lust-for-life, passion, young, young-adult, young-adults, youth 662 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: forever, funny, home, humor, impatience, impatient, life, love, patience, people, relationships, ride 644 likes like
Jon Stewart
“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
― Jon Stewart
tags: canada, funny 644 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time." What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: funny, life, me-time, time, truth, wisdom 639 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: funny, gold, humor, leprechaun, rainbow 630 likes like
Richelle Mead
“Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?”
― Richelle Mead, The Golden Lily
tags: adrian-ivashkov, bloodlines, funny, richelle-mead, the-golden-lily 608 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?"
"You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't."
"There goes my Saturday.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls
tags: cassandra-clare, city-of-lost-souls, funny, humor, lambada, magnus-bane, mark-of-cain, simon-lewis, the-mortal-instruments 601 likes like
R.A. Salvatore
“Sane is boring.”
― R.A. Salvatore
tags: boring, crazy, forgotten-realms, funny, humor, jarlaxle, salvatore, sane, servant-of-the-shard 594 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: alien, aliens, extra-terrestrial, flies, fly, flying, funny, humor, love, resemble, shoot, ufo, weapon 581 likes like
William Shakespeare
“I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases,
heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is?
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If
you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?
And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.”
― William Shakespeare
tags: antisemitism, funny, revenge 565 likes like
George Carlin
“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
― George Carlin
tags: euphemism, funny, humor, terminology, war 564 likes like
“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.”
― Melanie Griffith
tags: funny, love, romance 556 likes like
James Dashner
“You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner
tags: funny, humor, random, the-maze-runner 546 likes like
Woody Allen
“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”
― Woody Allen
tags: funny, love, sex 539 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: absurd, accessible, blush, blushing, celebrity, delusional, fan, funny, honk, humor, shout, thanks, time, traffic, wave 529 likes like
George Carlin
“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
tags: alcohol, funny, humor, laugh, warning-labels 526 likes like
I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my
“I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: convincing, debate, dialogue, funny, humor, judgement, judgment, logic, master, powerful, talk 524 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: dare, drink, funny, hot, humor, ice, liquid, love, pour, water 521 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want
tags: bizarre, diet, earth, fruit, funny, gravity, humor, illogical, moon-pies, surreal, vegetables, weight-loss 510 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK. ”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: attack, attacked, children, funny, humor, kids, midgets, pack, wrestle, wrestling 493 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: absurd, funny, humor, insensitive, love 492 likes like
D.J. MacHale
“Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.”
― D.J. MacHale
tags: funny 485 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
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