Funny Love Quotes Biography
“It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: food, funny, humor, men, sex, women 889 likes like
John Green
“She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
tags: funny 663 likes like
John Green
“We were kissing.
I thought: This is good.
I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all.
I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe.
Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
tags: funny 614 likes like
Lily Tomlin
“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
― Lily Tomlin
tags: funny, goals-in-life, humor, inspirational, wish 543 likes like
“If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.”
― David Cook
tags: funny, life 542 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, cage, funny, life, love, true 537 likes like
John Green
“There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis.
This was not one of those times.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
tags: funny 516 likes like
Groucho Marx
“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
― Groucho Marx
tags: funny, simplicity 510 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want
tags: appointments, argue, arguments, chores, cynicism, desire, errands, funny, humor, marriage, time 510 likes like
Dave Barry
“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
― Dave Barry
tags: funny, humour, jokes 485 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: answer, best, funny, humor, relationships, wonder 462 likes like
Jess C. Scott
“A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement”
― Jess C. Scott
tags: beauty, body, body-image, culture, dance, dancer, desire, fashion, fitness, food, food-for-thought, friendship, funny, girl, health, healthy, hip-hop, honesty, humor, humour, imagination, individuality, life, love, lust-for-life, music, novel, passion, reality, relationships, self, sex, truth, wisdom, young, young-adult, young-adult-fiction, young-adult-literature, young-adult-novels, young-adults, youth 418 likes like
Jess C. Scott
“Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don’t think so though I’m not sure if I’d like to be and argh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals.”
― Jess C. Scott, Tongue-Tied
tags: bisexuality, body, desire, funny, gender, gender-bending, gender-equality, honesty, individuality, lgbt, love, philosophy, relationships, sexuality 399 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: beach, funny, gasps, humor, jealous, shark-s-teeth, shock 381 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: absurd, funny, humor, love, surrealism 378 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate. ”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
tags: avoidance, avoiding, evasive, fear, funny, humor, marathons, problems, running, sprinting 371 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
tags: blind-date, funny, murderer, politician, politics, rapist 369 likes like
“Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.”
― Peyton Manning
tags: football, funny, peyton-manning 368 likes like
Richelle Mead
“She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.”
― Richelle Mead, Blood Promise
tags: funny, morning, paul, yeva 365 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, bicycle, breakfast, exercise, funny, humor, love, pancakes 347 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: absurd, funny, humor, love, ridiculous 344 likes like
Lisi Harrison
“Are you a female dog?"
"What?" Massie asked. "Why?"
"Because you are acting like a real bitch!”
― Lisi Harrison, The Clique
tags: bitch, clique, comebacks, dog, female, fun, funkalicous, funny, harrison, humor, lisi, massie 337 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“If I had a dollar for every time a random woman walked up to me and tried to seduce me, I'd have 50 cents. That's assuming drag queens are half price.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: assumptions, cents, discount, dollar, drag-queen, drag-queens, funny, men, money, price, random, seduce, seduction, women 335 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now." But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, ask, fact, factor, fall-in-love, funny, humor, life, love, minutes, moment, now, question, relationships, time, watch 335 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: dishonest, funny, profitable, selling, steal 309 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
tags: absurd, dead, fish, funny, humor, prostitutes, science-textbooks, sharks, teenagers, wonder 293 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: embezzled, funny, humor, money, uncle 269 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
tags: funny, humor, sex-life 265 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: dad, family, funny, humor, relationships 247 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.”
― Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Series Mute Women
“Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait.”
― Jess C. Scott, The Intern
tags: desire, funny, honesty, humor, humour, love, lust, passion, relationships, romance, sex, truth, wisdom, young, young-adult, young-adults, youth 920 likes like
William Goldman
“I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride
tags: funny, humor, marriage 542 likes like
Gena Showalter
“To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.”
― Gena Showalter, Heart of Darkness
tags: funny, humor 529 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming!”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.
tags: bad-news, dead, death, funny, hate, late, scream 488 likes like
Jerry Lewis
“I've had great success being a total idiot. ”
― Jerry Lewis
tags: funny, humor, idiot, jerry, lewis, success 481 likes like
Denis Leary
“All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.”
― Denis Leary
tags: beer, funny, men 458 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: clone, funny, future, humor, love, lust, naked 416 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
tags: fake-people, funny, mannequins 413 likes like
John Green
“Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not.”
― John Green
tags: funny, harry-potter, reality 393 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: funny, future, sleep, time-machine 388 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: absurd, funny, gentleman, humor, love, lovers, mustache 383 likes like
“Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. ”
― Wendell Johnson
tags: advice, funny 378 likes like
Jeaniene Frost
“Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.”
― Jeaniene Frost, One Foot in the Grave
tags: funny 376 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: animals, birthday, dog, dogs, funny, girlfriend, love, pet, pets, relationships, walk 373 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt.”
― Jarod Kintz
tags: funny, nipple, simile, truth 373 likes like
Charlaine Harris
“Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.”
― Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
tags: funny, sookie-eric 332 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: change, death, funny, hope, humor, life, strange 315 likes like
Jess C. Scott
“My head’ll explode if I continue with this escapism.”
― Jess C. Scott, EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
tags: body, books, cool, culture, desire, emotion, friendship, funny, girl, honesty, humor, humour, imagination, individuality, life, love, music, novel, passion, reality, relationships, romance, self, sex, technology, truth, wisdom, young, youth 314 likes like
Jennifer L. Armentrout
“Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal
tags: funny, humor 309 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic. ”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
tags: american, americans, attic, awesome, export, funny, humor 306 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Here's a haiku/palindrome I wrote called, "Obsession."
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob”
― Jarod Kintz, A Letter to Andre Breton, Originally Composed on a Leaf of Lettuce With an Ink-dipped Carrot
tags: bob, funny, haiku, obsession, palindrome, poetry, writing 301 likes like
Rick Riordan
“Tantalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames.”
― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters
tags: curse, funny 296 likes like
Sherrilyn Kenyon
“Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Infinity
tags: funny, hero, sarcasm 295 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: funny, humor, love 290 likes like
Jennifer L. Armentrout
“I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he's going to come back and want our first-born child or something."
Daemon waggled his brows. "You want kids? Because you know, practice makes--"
"Shut up." I shook my head and started walking.”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal
tags: daemon, funny, katy 289 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: christian-bale, funny, humor, marriage, wife 254 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I am a slave to your love. Well, more like indentured servant.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: funny, indentured-servant, love, slave 239 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: care, funny, selfish, wig 235 likes like
The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him.
“The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him.”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
tags: absurd, clever, cowboy, cowboys, creative, creativity, design, fire, funny, gun, gunned, horse, horses, humor, kill, murder, photoshop, picture, picture-and-words, shoot, shot, text, tricycles 207 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides. ”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: food, funny, humor, men, sex, women 889 likes like
John Green
“She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
tags: funny 663 likes like
John Green
“We were kissing.
I thought: This is good.
I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all.
I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe.
Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
tags: funny 614 likes like
Lily Tomlin
“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
― Lily Tomlin
tags: funny, goals-in-life, humor, inspirational, wish 543 likes like
“If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.”
― David Cook
tags: funny, life 542 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, cage, funny, life, love, true 537 likes like
John Green
“There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis.
This was not one of those times.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
tags: funny 516 likes like
Groucho Marx
“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
― Groucho Marx
tags: funny, simplicity 510 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want
tags: appointments, argue, arguments, chores, cynicism, desire, errands, funny, humor, marriage, time 510 likes like
Dave Barry
“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
― Dave Barry
tags: funny, humour, jokes 485 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: answer, best, funny, humor, relationships, wonder 462 likes like
Jess C. Scott
“A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement”
― Jess C. Scott
tags: beauty, body, body-image, culture, dance, dancer, desire, fashion, fitness, food, food-for-thought, friendship, funny, girl, health, healthy, hip-hop, honesty, humor, humour, imagination, individuality, life, love, lust-for-life, music, novel, passion, reality, relationships, self, sex, truth, wisdom, young, young-adult, young-adult-fiction, young-adult-literature, young-adult-novels, young-adults, youth 418 likes like
Jess C. Scott
“Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don’t think so though I’m not sure if I’d like to be and argh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals.”
― Jess C. Scott, Tongue-Tied
tags: bisexuality, body, desire, funny, gender, gender-bending, gender-equality, honesty, individuality, lgbt, love, philosophy, relationships, sexuality 399 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: beach, funny, gasps, humor, jealous, shark-s-teeth, shock 381 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: absurd, funny, humor, love, surrealism 378 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate. ”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
tags: avoidance, avoiding, evasive, fear, funny, humor, marathons, problems, running, sprinting 371 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
tags: blind-date, funny, murderer, politician, politics, rapist 369 likes like
“Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.”
― Peyton Manning
tags: football, funny, peyton-manning 368 likes like
Richelle Mead
“She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.”
― Richelle Mead, Blood Promise
tags: funny, morning, paul, yeva 365 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, bicycle, breakfast, exercise, funny, humor, love, pancakes 347 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: absurd, funny, humor, love, ridiculous 344 likes like
Lisi Harrison
“Are you a female dog?"
"What?" Massie asked. "Why?"
"Because you are acting like a real bitch!”
― Lisi Harrison, The Clique
tags: bitch, clique, comebacks, dog, female, fun, funkalicous, funny, harrison, humor, lisi, massie 337 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“If I had a dollar for every time a random woman walked up to me and tried to seduce me, I'd have 50 cents. That's assuming drag queens are half price.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: assumptions, cents, discount, dollar, drag-queen, drag-queens, funny, men, money, price, random, seduce, seduction, women 335 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now." But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: absurd, ask, fact, factor, fall-in-love, funny, humor, life, love, minutes, moment, now, question, relationships, time, watch 335 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: dishonest, funny, profitable, selling, steal 309 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
tags: absurd, dead, fish, funny, humor, prostitutes, science-textbooks, sharks, teenagers, wonder 293 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: embezzled, funny, humor, money, uncle 269 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
tags: funny, humor, sex-life 265 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: dad, family, funny, humor, relationships 247 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.”
― Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Series Mute Women
“Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait.”
― Jess C. Scott, The Intern
tags: desire, funny, honesty, humor, humour, love, lust, passion, relationships, romance, sex, truth, wisdom, young, young-adult, young-adults, youth 920 likes like
William Goldman
“I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride
tags: funny, humor, marriage 542 likes like
Gena Showalter
“To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.”
― Gena Showalter, Heart of Darkness
tags: funny, humor 529 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming!”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.
tags: bad-news, dead, death, funny, hate, late, scream 488 likes like
Jerry Lewis
“I've had great success being a total idiot. ”
― Jerry Lewis
tags: funny, humor, idiot, jerry, lewis, success 481 likes like
Denis Leary
“All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.”
― Denis Leary
tags: beer, funny, men 458 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: clone, funny, future, humor, love, lust, naked 416 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
tags: fake-people, funny, mannequins 413 likes like
John Green
“Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not.”
― John Green
tags: funny, harry-potter, reality 393 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: funny, future, sleep, time-machine 388 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: absurd, funny, gentleman, humor, love, lovers, mustache 383 likes like
“Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. ”
― Wendell Johnson
tags: advice, funny 378 likes like
Jeaniene Frost
“Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.”
― Jeaniene Frost, One Foot in the Grave
tags: funny 376 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: animals, birthday, dog, dogs, funny, girlfriend, love, pet, pets, relationships, walk 373 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt.”
― Jarod Kintz
tags: funny, nipple, simile, truth 373 likes like
Charlaine Harris
“Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.”
― Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
tags: funny, sookie-eric 332 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: change, death, funny, hope, humor, life, strange 315 likes like
Jess C. Scott
“My head’ll explode if I continue with this escapism.”
― Jess C. Scott, EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
tags: body, books, cool, culture, desire, emotion, friendship, funny, girl, honesty, humor, humour, imagination, individuality, life, love, music, novel, passion, reality, relationships, romance, self, sex, technology, truth, wisdom, young, youth 314 likes like
Jennifer L. Armentrout
“Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal
tags: funny, humor 309 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic. ”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
tags: american, americans, attic, awesome, export, funny, humor 306 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Here's a haiku/palindrome I wrote called, "Obsession."
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob”
― Jarod Kintz, A Letter to Andre Breton, Originally Composed on a Leaf of Lettuce With an Ink-dipped Carrot
tags: bob, funny, haiku, obsession, palindrome, poetry, writing 301 likes like
Rick Riordan
“Tantalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames.”
― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters
tags: curse, funny 296 likes like
Sherrilyn Kenyon
“Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Infinity
tags: funny, hero, sarcasm 295 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
tags: funny, humor, love 290 likes like
Jennifer L. Armentrout
“I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he's going to come back and want our first-born child or something."
Daemon waggled his brows. "You want kids? Because you know, practice makes--"
"Shut up." I shook my head and started walking.”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal
tags: daemon, funny, katy 289 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
tags: christian-bale, funny, humor, marriage, wife 254 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I am a slave to your love. Well, more like indentured servant.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: funny, indentured-servant, love, slave 239 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
tags: care, funny, selfish, wig 235 likes like
The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him.
“The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him.”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
tags: absurd, clever, cowboy, cowboys, creative, creativity, design, fire, funny, gun, gunned, horse, horses, humor, kill, murder, photoshop, picture, picture-and-words, shoot, shot, text, tricycles 207 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides. ”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
Funny Love Quotes Love Quotes Images Black and white for Facebook cover Photo For Him For Facebook For Her In Hindi Tumblr Download Taglag For For Facebook cover
No comments:
Post a Comment